Your beauty,
it covers you like skin,
it blocks your heart,
and masks
your innerself.
My beauty,
it radiates,
and envelops others
like warm sunrays
on a day as cold
as you
-me
The Morning After Pillow
Does love sleep?
Or keep its favor
Or cradle a nightmare of a
Different color
hesitating in the middle distance
Blocking the lane for the ambulance
Between the eroticism of detail
And an indefinite article
Devotion torn from the gift wrapping
Discoloring the hunger of stained glass
Like the inflatable globe that blows up in your face
Like the juggler trying to cover his fourth mistake
A blizzard of the heart
And the domino of principles
The domino of principles
And a blizzard of the heart
The 14th and 15th of February
Are only an eyelid apart.
-me
Prothalamium- only the parts I like
Come, all you who are not satisfied
as ruler in a lone, wallpapered room
full of mute birds, and flowers that falsely bloom,
and closets choked with dreams that long ago died!
We'll sweep out shadows, where the rats long fed;
sweep out our shame-- and in its place we'll make
a bower for love, a splendid marriage-bed
fragrant flowers aquiver for the Spring.
And when he comes, our murdered dreams shall wake;
and when he comes, all the mute birds shall sing.
-Aaron Kramer
Feeling rather nostalgic, opened my scrapbook today for the first time in years. I had kept it away thinking there wasn't much in there. Boy was I wrong. A lot came to me in that moment. Blue was here, I don't know but I think pieces of me flew out of it, maybe my ghost came out but I wasn't prepared for it. Try as I could I tried to hide all the pieces that I could of my relationship with Matt. All the parts that I knew would bring back memories. But you can't hide memories. Well there were bits of memories in my scrap book. And it was funny, I was talking about some of the cool things that Matt and I used to do to Chad the other day. I was telling him about the frog book, about how Matt and I used to journal to each other in it and we'd pass it back and forth to each other. And then my first birthday present from him, the handwritten calendar, full of quotes and funnies, one for everyday. In my scrapbook, I found a couple of the notes that we used to write each other on receipt paper. I had forgotten about all of these things. Just really cool to me that I still have these good memories and can look back on them and smile :).
In other news... I spent time with Chad yesterday, Monday, and Sunday. And he wanted to see me today. Strange huh? Considering that we weren't going to spend as much time together. Now let me clarify, I saw him for a total of 30 minutes on Monday and for about 2 hours yesterday but it still confuses me to the max! So I told him I was just going to do my own thing today because I definitely don't want to get back into the same previously detrimental cycle as before. Plus, I had other plans for today and I was about to break them because he told me he wanted to see me, what the hell is up with that? Why do I do that? Its my life and I should run it on my terms and do what I set out to do in the mornings with variations based on what I want, not on others needs and desires. Stupid girl.
I like my new job. I like the people there. They already started letting me run a register because I have so much previous experience. I've been invited to see a couple of bands by this guy and I was also invited to a party this weekend. Very cool indeed ;). Everyone is so friendly, the first day I was walking out of the back with another new person and the guys in the deli stopped us and said hello and introduced themselves, very cool. I love people like that who will draw me out my shell and encourage the friendliness. So, with that happy thought in mind, on with the day!!!
