9-22-06 2:08 pm
So, I had a reading on Wednesday. By this incredible woman. I don’t really feel like telling you much about her right now, except for the fact that she gave me hope and is an incredible woman. I’m supposed to go spend some time with her out at her house next Wednesday, out at the Eno river. Its something to look forward to. She told me many things. Lemme first say that she gets 17-35 requests for readings a week and she only chooses 2. She requested to do my reading. I’m depressed. I think its ok for me to finally admit it. But I’m battling it, I’m trying so hard to get away from it. But I feel very very isolated. But the loneliness is what might take me over. I had some extremely good cards in my reading, but some warning cards. She told me that if I was feeling down or lonely to not let it take me over, to get out, to surround myself with people, go drive, something. Its hard to do when everyone is busy, and also when you feel like a shitty person because you are hanging out with someone just because you’re depressed. I hate feeling like I need to be rescued. But I can’t do this all by myself, I need other people. I’ve decided that I’m going to move. I’ve found a 1 bedroom apartment that I’ve pretty much fallen in love with and I think its time for me to move on. I love this place so much, but I don’t know how long its gonna be before Sunny and Tim are really out and Sunny is so predatory.
I got high last night. It was nice. I kinda wanna do it right now but I have to work at 4 and I also feel like I’d be getting high just out of boredom. I don’t think that’s a good idea… I messaged Steve today and asked him if he wanted to go on a picnic, but I haven’t heard back from him. I’ve spent a lot of time with him this week and I have really enjoyed it. I find an immense amount of peace in him. We just sit and listen to all kinds of music, talking, not talking. Watch really really strange movies and his cat, Burns and I are good buddies. He’s a lap cat, very snuggly and warm, and he pees in the sink.
I’m losing my motivation. I don’t feel like doing anything. Not school, not work, nothing. And its not because I particularly hate either one of them, in fact, I very much enjoy them, but, I don’t know, I feel that thyroid drain today. Like bad.
