I think I've gotten rather sensitive in my old age. The topic today is porn. Ok, well, why do so many women have a problem with porn? I don't believe its because they find it grotesque by any means, I think it feels just so much like a comparison between you and the hot women in the porn. This has been something that has been growing on my mind for awhile, its eating me inside. Steve won't have sex with me on a regular basis, he says its because he's old, or tired, or whatever. I have a big problem with that, simply based on the fact that from the very beginning of this relationship I have been so upfront about loving and needing sex. Sex to me is like his beer to him. Its relaxing, its fun, it feels good. So why can't I have it? Well one of the biggest road blocks has been porn, apparently he can't come more than once a day. News to me from those rousing days of romping upwards of three times a day. But, if I have class or I'm out or something, he has no problem popping in those hot little vixens in their corsets and going at it, so what's left for me when I get home? A big fat nothing! I've always been such an advocate for porn, but it has never replaced me, now I have a serious beef with all of this. Why am I not good enough, why am I not pretty or skinny enough, what is it about me that he doesn't find attractive? So, I ask him, if I weren't having sex with you, could I still expect you to be faithful? He says no, and I said well, so does that mean I don't have to be faithful? No, I give it to you often enough that you should be ok with it. Why can't I just have problem free, enjoyable sex I ask??? What is that big fucking deal, normally the tables are turned and its the chick that burns out long before the man, so wouldn't that make me a dream girl?? I mean, I love to fuck! Add to this whole equation the beer, if he drinks to much, like he did the other night he can't get off and punches holes in the wall, how does that work?? Anyway, I've tried to keep a dialogs with him about this whole porn thing and how its pretty much fucking me in the head, and we come to an agreement: No more porn until I'm ok with it... I mean, I think that's fair enough, if he's not giving it to me, then I don't think for relationship's sake he should be giving it to himself. Well, he's a liar, I know he still watches porn, this isn't the first time I've caught him, but now I'm just tired of talking about it. I want some ass, some good ass, something to where I'm not akin to a hole in the mattress. I wonder on a regular basis how I would really feel about myself hooking up with someone... Its something I've done many times in a previous relationship... So in the end I tell myself, he's lucky I'm attracted to him, he's not the hottest ass in this town, he's lucky I want him. There's nothing wrong with me I suppose but its like a fucking animal inside me that's trying to destroy any sense of self worth I could possibly hold. What in the hell??
