Pluots

7-14-06 6:33 pm

Gotta go to girls night soon. I’m really excited J. I’m tired too, but I’m hoping that will go away. Tomorrow I’m supposed to spend some time with Matt and the apparently my movie night that I thought was off is now on again?? I’m tired of this and its frustrating. You know, these girls, the girls I’m going to be with, they are tried and true. I’ve had my moments, now Mel and Heather, they are down to the bone nitty gritty, real. They won’t leave you hanging.

This new job is really interesting, getting to know people and whatnot, its always an adventure. I kind of like being the outsider, observing everybody, watching how everyone interacts. I like to watch the guys observe me, I like to watch the chicks get jealous because everyone has already picked out their person that they like and its just amusing to watch them. I’m not there to stir things up by any means and some people have taken to me and are so friendly while others are keeping their distance. I was driving to work this morning thinking even if I don’t end up enjoying liking the actual job at least I’ll still get the satisfaction out of watching the people. I called Chad on my way home from work today, don’t know why I did it, got off work a little early and had some extra time. My evening with him last night was so surprisingly nice. Tonight, not so much, he’s reverting, back to the same self involved person I know. I was talking about school and my worries. Ya know, just blabbering, what I do sometimes. And he stops me in the middle and says, “I know this doesn’t need to be said, but I’m there for you.” I looked at him and said, if you knew it didn’t need to be said then why did you say it? Its selfish, because its like you’re saying it for yourself. He was like, “I kind of am.” I said, well I’m talking about myself right now, that may be selfish, but this isn’t about you. Is that ok? Can that be ok? Can I feel alright about that? And then he was like, “Ok, let’s go!” I wasn’t ready to go! I wasn’t done talking, opening up, worrying, just talking about what was on my mind. This is why I’m frustrated, and I shut down, because once I start opening up, I get shut down. Ugh.