Take my body in your hands,
Rip me apart at the seams.
Stand there and tell me that you can,
But instead just let me bleed.

I’ll keep struggling up the mountain,
As the cold chill kicks in.
Here I am dying for you once again,
As I let my eternity begin.

Forgetting to look back,
Shouting at me to let go.
Reminding of the things I lack.
I’ve made it three feet too far with nowhere left to go.

I bleed as the stones etch me,
My soul empty on the ground.
Giving back all that I was made to be,
By no promise nor parameter is my soul, any longer, bound.

The seams are just restraints on thoughts and logic,
They bind me with physicality,
I need no remind, I haven’t forgot,
But the realness of my existence is plain in my mentality

i was naked that night
before you on the wet grass,
i peeled off my clothing to get
a better look at the places you touched
to see if there was blood there, or
rose petals
or dirt

there was only skin,
pale, and flawed by the sun and
the days that went by
as we slowly tore each other
into little pieces of paper
to write love notes on
and throw away
after a couple of years.

i stood there in all that
glory or
tacit shame
but you didn’t look at me
too closely
you didn’t see
me
anymore.

the sky was an ugly color;
that doesn’t happen very often, sir.
a dirty purple, bruised as my
thighs so often were
when we were through.
you forgot about those bruises, every time.

I'm hoping this will be the last of it. I'm feeling better, on top of the world even! I've come to realize the state of depression that I was in for so long. I've moved past that, I feel beautiful and capable! What more could I ask for at this moment in life? I'm grateful...

Black

I feel broken... I can't feel, its just empty in there. I can't believe that all that I've worked so hard for has fallen apart. I can't comprehend how I could love one person so much in this world of detachment and lose it all. I can't let it go, I can't leave it all behind, it was my life, my world and its in pieces!!!!! How am I supposed to move past that, how can I tell myself that it will be ok, that I can move on and be happy??? I've never felt such a happiness, didn't even know it could exist as I felt with him. I fell in love and I fell so hard, and I can't even come to a place of acceptance that it was all for naught. Love and compassion are supposed to build grand things, its built me, why couldn't I take that energy that was so kindly passed on to me and put it into a relationship? It seems as if on some level every person in this world can feel that, at least if they don't want to feel it they can recognize it and respect it. In this relationship I, for the first time saw that all of my dreams could come true, that they were being realized, that life had a true purpose and that I deserved it. That life with all of its nuances could actually turn out with a happy ending. What did I do? Why is it so hard to be dependable and honest??!?!?! Why am I not allowed to have that? How is it that having emotions is such a detrimental and scary thing to so many people? We are boxed up in these nice little skins, with these incredible minds and we aren't supposed to use them. With the addendum that if we do, it should only be to deceive someone else. To tell them all the nice little pretties knowing that you are never going to achieve it. That there is no true desire to. Its happy faces all the time, yeah I'm fine, I'm dealing, it sucks but I'll move on... Its not that easy but no one wants to actually deal with it. And if that random person does (me) they are too emotional, too sensitive, too something. I'm here, I feel as if I was put on this earth to feel and to enjoy it, to revel in it, to accept it, to love it, to give it. Why is it such a taboo thing to express an emotion? And since its such a taboo, why can't I just conform? Why can't I just not express it? Why can't I deny it in myself? Everyone else does. Where's the malfunction? There's got to be a big one somewhere, but I can't find it...