Juicy

7-9-06 11:17 am

And thus I have created my own coffee shop in the comfort of my own kitchen. Free. I’m poor as hell but I’m pretty happy. I’m feeling that happy, passionate person coming back into sight and its starting to feel really good. Plums and blackberries seem to be the name of the game and friends and good times seem to be the taste of life. Wait, I think I got that backwards… Who the hell cares, the ingredients are all that matters. Went out and celebrated Jenn’s 21^st again last night and at first wasn’t so much fun but it turned out be such good times. Except for the stinky Jew. He was a little creepy, and smelly. Who lets out stinky farts multiple times upon first introduction especially after being called on it? I hope he bodes well in the holy land. I don’t know what it is about smelliness but it’s a huge, and I mean HUGE turn off for me, don’t fart, stinkily and then ask me to sit on your lap, I’ll tuck tail and run. Heh.

Anyway, things to seem to be looking up, Chad and I seem to have come to some sort of understanding, we have thrown the idea of starting over out the window but we are still more casual, which I’m very happy with. As long as I’m aware that he’s aware of me we’re ok. I’m a very low maintenance person, but I think love and attention goes both ways and I don’t think that’s too much to expect. In relationships if I can’t get what I give I can’t be expected to stay. So after the first part of our date Friday night things weren’t fairing so well, he brought me back from dinner with the relationship at a close but needless to say something wasn’t right. As I’ve said before many times and to those of you who’ve heard this story I’m very much one to follow my gut. My gut was telling me something was not right and I wasn’t ready to let go of this one quite yet. I don’t know how long this relationship is going to last. That’s not my place to guess, and I don’t need to be making those plans. I just want to live in the now. My now is really cool.

I’ve had a friend offer to do a painting of me. A nude painting, not an erotic painting but somewhat a portrait of the human form. I’m seriously considering taking him up on the offer. What an offer! A once in a lifetime thing and something that I’ve always dreamed of, and hell, if I don’t like it, I can hide it in my closet.

Its really nice to be finding my way out of the bottom, out of the pit that I seem to find my way into every year, to be appreciating myself and to feel whole…