Wilting magnolias

7-10-06 11:42 am

Yesterday was a good day. I seem to have shaken the chains off for the time being and I’m managing to spread my wings. We went to the flea market and I was quiet, I was enjoying myself, wandering around looking at things, doing what I normally do, and a couple of times I caught myself having the thought that Chad was probably upset that I wasn’t with him and he was probably thinking that I was mad or something but I just let that feeling go. I was happy and I was enjoying myself and that was obvious. Then we spent another couple of hours together, it wasn’t long but it was just the two of us and it was really nice, for the first time in a long time it was obvious that he was really into me. That was really nice. Anyway, we also played DnD last night and I got to start playing my character that I’ve adopted again. Pymoi, I think that’s how you spell his name. I know, I’m a nerd but so much fun. But I have to say, it wasn’t the game, it was the fact that during the game Chad was putting his foot on my leg, he was moving his foot up and down my leg. Do you know that I couldn’t even concentrate? That’s not something that happens between us, not a comfortable closeness that exists, and certainly not one that most people ever become conscious of. How long will this last?? I don’t know, but I’m not going to be afraid of it because it’s not my place to be afraid of the past or the future. And I don’t believe in living in fear.

Burning ears

dangling bells

fleeting instances

shadows

blowjobs

waking tears

waking fears

broken eyes

driving away

lost moments

Nightmares…