Red foxes have really bushy tails

7-3-06 10:39pm

I’m tired, I’m really really tired. I don’t know if its from being up late last night, being on my period, all the crazy emotional shit or what, but I’m exhausted and I’m looking forward to crawling into bed. I spent the day in job interviews and hanging out with Heather and whatnot and my head is kind of cloudy and some things are a little clearer. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the kind of man that I want. This may sound incredibly retarded but we’ve done a lot of watching Sex and the City in the past week and for some reason that has given me a lot of insight. But also, my relationship with Chad has given me more insight than I think I ever wanted. Bleh. I’m really lonely tonight, maybe because I’m a little buzzed, maybe because I’m sad that I can’t make this retarded relationship work, I don’t know. But I so desperately want to find someone that understands how I work and can have all the qualities and attributes that are so important to me. I want someone that will encourage my independence and my fierce passion and also take care of me. I want someone who isn’t so self absorbed that they can step outside and enjoy the bigger beautiful picture, but I want them to be insightful and loving of themselves… I gotta take a break because I’m tired but I will continue in the morning…

7-4-06 10:21am

Twelve hours later heh heh. I woke up at 5 am but really didn’t want to get out of bed. When I did finally peel myself out of bed around 10 I looked out my window and on the top of my car was a dozen roses in the shape of a heart on the top of my car. Now, I don’t even know what to think, my initial thought was, wow, that’s sweet, too bad I already knew about it and, too bad Chad knows I’m not very happy with him right now and is kissing my ass. (This is still part of my initial thought.) While part of me wants to feel really bad for him and call him and tell him thank you for the roses, the other part of me thinks its gonna take a lot more than a dozen roses to smooth all this over, if its smoothable overable. Its going to take pulling his head out of his ass and becoming a lot less self centered. Because I’m tired of hearing about how bad Chad’s life is, was, and is gonna be. I’m tired of hearing about his self perpetuated problems. You can’t ever open up to someone like that because all they really care about is themselves even if they tell you otherwise… Oh well, his problem, not mine… On with the day!!!