Stealing Kisses

8-6-06 11:30 pm

Oh, this past week was good for my soul. I’m feeling so much better, I’ve managed to pull myself through this with the help of some dear friends and I’m back on my own two feet. Not getting washed away or pulled down by something I can’t control. I feel so much more powerful within myself and I’m not trying to control everything else outside of me, and that feels so good. I went by Chad’s house to take his swim trunks to him, the ones that he left in Virginia, and he had some stuff of mine that I guess I had forgotten. He was upset, he looked like shit, and he looked sad and broken. He said I could have my bike back after telling Chris that he was going to keep it because I had either stolen or broken over $400 worth of his things. And also posting on his website that I had put a virus on his computer. I asked him about this and he said all of these things were out of anger and that I could have the bike back. I feel really bad for him, like, my heart goes out to him and I want to make it all better and take all of his pain away. But the problem here is, this is all his own doing and as much as it pains me to see a person that I loved so much hurting I can’t take care of him anymore. I’ve never doubted, even from the beginning, even from that moment of realization what was happening, or what had been happening that I would forgive him. But my forgiveness is not for him, its for me. I don’t see any point in holding on to that anger and sadness, it serves no purpose. But I won’t forget, and I won’t ever trust.

I don’t see Chad completely disappearing from my life for the sole reason that we have so many of the same friends. But he’s a bump in the road for me and its time for me to move on.