Argh!

So, here we are again, once more ravaged by the inner thoughts of destruction. I need a friend to hang out with and not judge me, someone that will listen and not look bored. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need a hole to crawl into, I need this all to end. I'm disgusted with how things have turned out with Steve, and I feel trapped with no place to go. I'm afraid to move home, because its scary, I don't know anyone, and I don't want to fuck up Mom and Papa's world. But its scary here, I'm lonely here so I guess I don't have much to lose. I want some excitement and socialization. I want some motivation for something good. I want to make this relationship work but not in vain. Everyone around me is so happy and is having life changing experiences and their life is fruitful and productive. I just stuck in the rut, lonely, and scared. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself but that demon tends to jump on your back and stay for awhile sometimes. I wanna go out and be crazy and drink a lot and feel my spirit soar, and come home and fall asleep fulfilled. I don't wanna be here by myself, with nothing to do but dirt and flies and quiet haunting me. I wanna feel wanted and loved and needed. I wanna feel strong and powerful and vivacious. I wanna breathe a sigh of relief and sit down and cry. I wanna run away.