Awkward tiredness you can't pull yourself out of... That's what it is today, nothing particularly wrong just blah. Pretty much enjoying life, I think I need some social interaction though. Been working and schooling, but right now I can't even focus on studying, makes me feel crappy, but I keep telling myself that it happens. Cohabitating nicely, wish I had time to get drunk every once in awhile. Think I made a new friend, she's really cool, but quiet, I find myself blabbering all the time to keep things from getting awkward, that makes things awkward. Feel like I just woke up every minute, weird, thyroid, PMS. I am so affected by my hormones, it sucks, seems like nothing I do can control it just feel shitty for two weeks out of the month and particularly aggressive at times... Looking forward to the beach if it happens, I suppose I will go to the beach no matter what, I really need to get away from school and out of Raleigh for awhile to just relax and breath some different air. Steve and I are thinking about going swimming out at the lake, which is fine and all, I just don't like lakes, the fish nibble on me, creepy indeed. But I should do it because if would get me out of the house and I wouldn't be sleeping like I have been in every spare hour otherwise. He's being super supportive and understanding. That's what I need, I'm not the happy self assured, outspoken person people see outside of this place, my safety. I need to feel loved no matter how I'm feeling, and not attacked for it all the time. Maybe its me doing the attacking out of boredom, very possible. Maybe today I'll get falling down drunk and just release, sing and dance for a little while, wouldn't that be nice? No more blood, no more heart physiology, very tired of EKGs, it get rather suffocating sometimes even though it is truly fascinating. Maybe a shower. I miss my girlfriends, I miss having an apartment where I can have people come hang out on the couch with me and watch TV with. I miss the closeness that I had with others, are we really meant to be monogamous? But wanting to have physical and emotional, and intellectual interaction with others, is that really having the same time of intimacy that you would with your significant other? Good question, where do you draw the line? My lines are very blurry, I'm pretty ok with that, only if there was someone to blur the lines with me... Loves!